My nipple is on Facebook.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
