I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
