hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
