I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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