when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
