I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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