I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so much tequila, so little girl.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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