He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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