Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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