Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize