im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
