How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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