Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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