a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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