She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
