Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
