I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
