You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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