That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
