ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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