but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
