guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
