I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got inside last night via doggy door
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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