Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize