So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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