i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
