I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
