So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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