This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
