dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize