I feel like abortions should bother me more
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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