no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
