i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
