Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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