All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
