I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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