Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
