Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
