haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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