saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize