tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
