so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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