i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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