I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize