the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
