Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
