Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
