this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
