How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
