I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
