Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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