so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
