btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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