Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
