guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
