I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
