Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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