I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
