that's an acceptable place to lick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
