the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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