i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
