Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
