Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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