I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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