I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i dont even know how to be here
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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