Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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