just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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