Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
