My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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