Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
