actually, I'm a sock model
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
