Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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