and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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