Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize