Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
