pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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