Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
