Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
