Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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