I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
