i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
