She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
