which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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