He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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