She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
