addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
