why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
