when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
