That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
