I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
