ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
