haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
