She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize