I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
