hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
