About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
