I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
