then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
