I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize