escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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