Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
