How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
